In an earlier post I mentioned that I had fallen out with one of my brothers…thought I would elaborate.
I have, in actual fact, three older brothers; Adrian (48), Simon (46) and Chris (44)
Adrian and Chris both live in Scotland and have done for a long time. They both have Scottish wives and Scottish children and both, are what I call, normal.
Simon has never lived in Scotland, he chose to stay behind in 1993 when we first moved up, having both a girlfriend and a job he enjoyed. He has lived in the same village, since my parents moved there in 1978, and that has always been his choice.
He never had time for me growing up, being 7 years older, I’m not surprised really, and I don’t hold that against him. He was always in trouble, didn’t like authority and always did as he pleased. My parents were always being called up the school for one reason or another, then as he got older, it was the police we had at the door. We were raided when I was about 13…he had been knicking car radios, and they were stashed, unbeknownst to us all, under his bed.
My parents had a rough time with him, mainly due to the company he was keeping at the time.
When he met Ruth, he calmed down a lot…she was really good for him. He stopped the thieving and weed smoking and settled down. My parents didn’t have any problems leaving him behind when we moved to Edinburgh.
Three years of living away from him, Ruth cheated on him with one of his friends…heartbroken didn’t come close. I was going out with Phil at that time and had only just come back from visiting them, when Simon rang us to tell of Ruth’s deceit.
Here started a downward spiral for him…he got heavily into cocaine, and he began to drink a lot too.He slept with anything that moved, and just took no interest in life whatsoever. We were all very worried about him, but were so far away.
I fell pregnant, and when I was 7 months gone had this overwhelming need to move back home. My parents were still in Scotland, but I just needed to be in Portsmouth again, so, Phil and I moved back home…
We lived with Simon for a while, this helped him sort himself out, especially with me being pregnant. He stopped the drugs and drink and really looked out for me. When I had my son, I named him Symon, after my big brother.
My parents, Mum especially, wanted to move back to Portsmouth after I had baby Symon, so they did…we all got a place together because I felt that I needed my Mum to help. Being only 21, I felt I needed the support..so we left Simon’s and went to live near the sea, Hayling Island.
Bit of a mistake really as Simon was then left on his own and he started his bad habits again.
He bumped into a girl on a night out, we all grew up together and to be honest, she had a bit of a bad reputation, so when he told me who he had shacked up with my alarm bells started to ring and I warned him off her…did he listen? Did he heck.
He married her…stupid bloody idiot.
They had two children very close together. She didn’t want anymore children, she already had two by two different father’s, but as she didn’t want to lose Simon, she had two kids with him.
She always resented those boys..and that showed in her parenting skills. They were dragged up and Simon just fell in line behind her. My Mum even felt the need to call social services because she was so worried about them..
By this time Phil and I had had another child, our daughter Elidah (Pronounced ‘Aylee’ this is a Celtic name that everyone gets wrong). We had also bought a house about three miles away from Simon, yet…we hardly saw him.
One night there is a knock on the door, Phil answered and there was my brother, ripped shirt, bloodied face and white as a sheet.
His wife had done this to him, in front of their children.
I was furious and had to be stopped from going to my brother’s house and punching my Sister in Law in the face.
That was the end of their marriage. Simon lived with us for a year after that, till he sorted himself out, got back on his feet.
His relationship with his Ex wife is very volatile to this day, and those poor boys have always been in the middle.
Anyway, I have digressed far too much!
My brother and I have fallen out because he can’t understand or accept that Phil and I are friends after our split.
He hates Phil for leaving me and will never forgive him. He thinks we should be at each other’s throats on a daily basis. That I should hate him till my dying breath and that he no longer has a place in my family.
He tried to stop Phil seeing our children on Christmas day last year, at my parent’s house. Told my Mum and Dad that if they let Phil into their house he would disown them.
He never once thought about my children’s feelings, or put them first. He only cared about his hate and anger towards Phil.
In some ways it was like Phil had split up from him, such was his behaviour…comical really.
So, for the distress he caused my children, myself and my parents last year, I haven’t spoken to him since.
If he wants to build bridges with me, he knows where I am. But for me to forgive he needs to understand that Phil is my children’s father, and he is a bloody good one, and he will always be a part of their and my life, and if he can’t accept that, then there’s nothing more to say.
Sad really after all we’ve been through.