Leaf out of the Ex’s book….

~ Anj

Was talking to my ex, Phil, the other day and am considering taking leaf out of his book in regards to dating. 

Since we split he has had one serious girlfriend, which lasted a year before she cheated on him, and countless dates, and when I say countless, I mean that I have totally lost track of the amount of women he has met via various dating apps, some of which resulted in more than one date, others, didn’t even get to that stage. 

Phil can’t be on his own. We have had this discussion, more than once, and I tell him that he should just enjoy being single, but, he is just unable to. 

Even before I was with him he went from one girl to the next, without a gap inbetween, more often than not, an overlap.

He just can’t be on his own. 

So when his first serious relationship since we split, ended…he downloaded about four dating apps, Tinder being one. 

His phone never stops chiming…matched on this app, so and so has ‘liked’ you on the other one, it’s never ending. He seems to be a very popular guy, which, in the beginning made me jealous as hell. Hated that these women were liking him, but of course, this had nothing to do with me anymore. 

My friend is on Match.com and she has had a few bad experiences with men. On guy actually went further than she gave permission for, and she hasn’t been on the site since. 

You hear lots of stories from people on social media about dating sites and apps, not many of them are positive…

So weighing everything up I have always chose not to bother with them, erring on the side of caution.

People always judge on your photo, it’s human nature and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t done it too. But the thought of a stranger looking at my profile and discarding me because of the way I look just brings out all sorts of anxiety in me. 

I was told last week, by a very dear friend, to not hold out hopes of a connection on Twitter, to “get myself out there and meet someone in real life” But here also lies a problem, I suffer with social anxiety, have no confidence or self esteem, so any opportunity that comes up to go down the pub, or to meet new people, I will find any excuse not to go. 

I feel paranoid when I go out, think people are looking and judging me because I carry a few extra pounds..so this in turn causes all sorts of problems for me. So…I just don’t go…

So how will I meet someone in real life if I don’t put myself out there

Rock and a hard place. 

So, do I carry on as I am or do I take a leaf out of Phil’s book and join a dating app and just take the knock backs and judgement on the chin?

I have no idea.

6 thoughts on “Leaf out of the Ex’s book….”

  1. Hi,

    You might recognise me as @hDraculesti from Twitter.

    I like your tweets and blogs, I’ve always said that and they always interest me, I think it’s because of your honest “warts and all” approach and that a lot of it resonates with my own experiences.

    I don’t think there is any easy answer to your question. I’ve never used a dating app, the last time I tried anything like this it was a local Newspaper advert. That worked for me and I got married to the lady I met. However, we are now separated for 8 years or more; still good friends and speak to each other almost daily and go out for meals but that’s all.

    Since then I’ve met a number of very interesting people, mainly by joining local groups like walking groups, theatre groups, community groups etc. I find that I make a lot of friends that way. I’m generally satisfied with friendships and never seek to take it beyond there into a relationship.

    Sometimes I think it may be nice to share, but I like my own space now. I take myself off on holidays and frequent trips in the UK, mainly London, speak to people and finish up making friends with some of them.

    Like life there will be good honest people on Dating sites and it may be worth a little experiment. All I would say is to be wary and very selective.

    Hope you can steer a course through this.

    Mike

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  2. Either come to terms with being alone or do things outside your comfort zone. As someone else said. Take a class Or Volunteer somewhere. As I stated before I started performing again. I don’t know why I can perform in front of thousands of strangers yet not walk up to a woman at a bar. The one girl I met I had on stage as I was trying to cut off her head with a Guilotine at a comic con. I think that was not the best way to meet people because it attracts a strange type of person. Find something you can do and see if you meet someone. I think your a Whovian. Join a local Whovian group.

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    1. I do like Dr Who but not to the point where I would join a group. I am a loner, I like my own company. As I stated in my post, I suffer with extreme social anxiety which prevents me doing a lot of things. I am working on my issues, it will just take time.

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      1. My problem is I am a loner who doesn’t like my own company. I need to find someone… It’s forced me out to performing after 10 years. I need to find someone…I can’t wait or I will really become a mad man with a box

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