Questions pt 1

Thought it might be fun to answer some questions, so you can get to know me on another level…

Yes…I have got blog block…

Don’t judge me.

1. Would you prefer to be smart or happy, and why?

Wow, this is a tough one. I really want to be both, but that’s not the point of these questions is it? I think I would prefer to be happy. Why? Because that’s what everyone strives to be…isn’t it?

2. If you could choose one superpower, what would it be and why?

Flight, most definitely. Would love to be able to fly…you can go anywhere, see anything. The feeling of soaring across the sky my feel magnificent.

3. What is your biggest regret in life so far?

Not continuing on the path of becoming a drama teacher.

4. If you could marry a fictional character, who would it be and why?

Jamie Fraser from the Outlander series of books. This has also been made into a series on Amazon Prime.

Every woman needs a Jamie Fraser, that’s why.

5. If money and career were no object, where in the world would you choose to live?

I am not well travelled, although have many places on my bucket list I’d love to visit. Although I’d love to say somewhere like New York, I’ve never been, so may not necessarily want to live there, so I will stick to what I know and go with Cornwall.

6. What’s the last book you read that you simply could not put down until you finished?

Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness.

7. What television show do you plan your day around in order to see it live?

Sherlock. 

8. What extracurricular activities or sports did you participate in when you were in high school?

I was in all the school plays and music concerts. Also played goalie in the hockey team.

9. Of all your pet-peeves, which is the strangest?

I have a few, although I wouldn’t call any of them strange. I hate lateness…if you say you’re gonna be there at 7pm, be there at 7pm. Please!

10. Is it better to beg forgiveness or ask permission?

Begging for forgiveness means there is something to be forgiven. So, for me, ask permission is better.

Alone….

I’ve always been a bit of a loner, never one to make friends easily, always standing on the outside, looking in. 

Even since I was a kid I was never part of the ‘it’ group, not part of any group actually..just having one or two close friends, sometimes none at all. 

Senior school wasn’t too bad. There were a group of girls who thought they were too good to talk to me, thought all the boys fancied them, and walked round like they owned the place – I didn’t want to be friends with them anyway, I despised them in fact. 

I had trouble with one boy at senior school, so much so that my Mum was going to move me to a different one. My teacher spoke to her though, assured her it would be sorted, and not to worry.

The boy was spoken to, parents informed and it did calm down, but to this day, the things he said to me, stuck, have never been able to forget them, and I think, his words make up part of the issues I have about myself.

As an adult I have always stood back from people. Some may see this as being ‘standoffish’ but it’s just me, weighing the person up, figuring them out. Once I get to know someone, I’m completely different…but, I need to feel comfortable with someone first for the ‘real Angie’ to come out. 

In all the things I done, places I’ve lived and been over the years I have only kept hold of one friend. K, my best friend who I have known since I was 4yrs old. She knows me, knows how my brain works, has never judged me and always been there when I needed her. 

Now I live 500miles away from her, and I’ve never felt that distance like I do at the moment.

Since moving to Scotland in December I have never felt more alone. Yes, I have family here, but I am living with them, feel in the way on a daily basis, feel a burden. 

I have no friends here. I have nowhere to go here other than my families houses and this is becoming harder every day. 

I use Twitter to reach out, have conversations, a laugh – connect with people. But, even this is becoming harder for me. 

Hopefully, when I start my course, I’ll make new friends, and maybe actually start living my life again because at the moment, all I feel is alone…

Twitter…

I’ve been on and off Twitter since 2009. Think I’m on my fourth account now. First one was closed because I ‘just didn’t get it’ had no idea how it worked, felt like I was talking to fresh air most of the time, so I soon lost interest and closed that account. 

The second one was better….till I managed to get myself a stalker and had to disappear pretty sharpish. He wouldn’t leave me alone, it was constant. He followed people I would follow to see what we were saying, comment on every tweet -even something as mudane as what I was watching on TV. He would favourite tweets to and from people he had no contact with…he just freaked me out, and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I will just add I was married at this time, and in no way encouraged him. 

Third one was my most popular one, managed to get loads of followers, had loads of laughs and fun and all was going brilliantly till I pissed off a Tweeter and the hassle ensued. Had no choice but to close my account for my own sanity.

So, here we are with my fourth account. Managed to keep most of my favourite people, which is a huge bonus. I still see comments from the haters, but I’ve learnt that Twitter is actually a very small place and people you like and follow probably follow people you dislike and would like to avoid – you’ve just got to be adult about it and just get on with it.

I am finally enjoying Twitter again, have learnt many lessons along the way.

One I haven’t learnt is fancying people I shouldn’t. It’s easy for people to say ‘it’s only Twitter’ and ‘it’s not real’ etc etc but that couldn’t be futher from the truth. 

I spend a lot of time talking to different people, from all over the world. I have forged real friendships with some and I look forward to speaking to them, I care about their lives and wellbeing, and hopefully, they feel the same way about me. 

There will always be someone you think ‘ coorr I so chuffing would’ just by their avi! Then you talk to them, and learn they are in actual fact, complete tossers…then, you just follow and talk to someone that you have stuff in common with, and feelings start to creep in, mad I know, but it happens….a lot. I’ve been there, had it happen to me, witnessed it with others…it is what it is. 

So far, I’ve not had much luck, but that’s life I guess, you can’t make someone like, fancy, care or love you, you’ve just got to hope they see something special in you…but that goes for ‘real life’ relationships too.

All in all, Twitter has brought me heartache, stress, pain, friendship, laughter and fun and I wouldn’t be without it.

Bucket List….

Here be my bucket list.

I wrote it sometime last year, so I am sure there are things to be added, or maybe taken off. 

I am not in a rush to complete them..one problem being that I don’t own a passport as yet – never have. 

As long as I get to do some of them, preferably with a partner (another stumbling block as I don’t have one of those either) before I leave this mortal coil, I’ll be happy.

The Big 40

So with the dawning of 2017 brings with it something I have been dreading since, well, since I can remember….

I turn 40 

I can’t even begin to tell you how this makes me feel…scared, worried, sick and bloody old to name just a few.

When I was a teenager, 40 seemed really old….like, parent old. It didn’t even register with me that, one day, I would turn 40.

Now, here I am staring at it in the face and quite frankly, I don’t like it…I don’t like it one bit. 

I know, I know it’s just a number…life begins then, apparently! But to me it signals middle age, wrinkles, grey hair (already found some) stiff joints, saggy boobs, the inability to remember stuff…what was I saying again…oh yeah, saggy boobs and lack of libido. 

To be honest my boobs started sagging years ago and I already have a clicky jaw and gammy hip (form a queue guys 😉) So I’m just listing them for the sake of it…

People think I look younger than I am, so maybe I should just roll with it…not correct them when they guess, or just flat out lie about it. 

This is a huge year for me, what with the move to Scotland, divorce looming and turning 40, oh and my chuffing son turns 18 in April, so that makes me feel just awesome! Maybe the age thing isn’t as significant as I think…All the changes that are happening are the important issues. Everything that is happening is hopefully going to make my life better, make me happier, so who cares that I’m gonna be 40…maybe, I’ll just get myself a toyboy and make up for lost time….