I’ve always been a bit of a loner, never one to make friends easily, always standing on the outside, looking in.
Even since I was a kid I was never part of the ‘it’ group, not part of any group actually..just having one or two close friends, sometimes none at all.
Senior school wasn’t too bad. There were a group of girls who thought they were too good to talk to me, thought all the boys fancied them, and walked round like they owned the place – I didn’t want to be friends with them anyway, I despised them in fact.
I had trouble with one boy at senior school, so much so that my Mum was going to move me to a different one. My teacher spoke to her though, assured her it would be sorted, and not to worry.
The boy was spoken to, parents informed and it did calm down, but to this day, the things he said to me, stuck, have never been able to forget them, and I think, his words make up part of the issues I have about myself.
As an adult I have always stood back from people. Some may see this as being ‘standoffish’ but it’s just me, weighing the person up, figuring them out. Once I get to know someone, I’m completely different…but, I need to feel comfortable with someone first for the ‘real Angie’ to come out.
In all the things I done, places I’ve lived and been over the years I have only kept hold of one friend. K, my best friend who I have known since I was 4yrs old. She knows me, knows how my brain works, has never judged me and always been there when I needed her.
Now I live 500miles away from her, and I’ve never felt that distance like I do at the moment.
Since moving to Scotland in December I have never felt more alone. Yes, I have family here, but I am living with them, feel in the way on a daily basis, feel a burden.
I have no friends here. I have nowhere to go here other than my families houses and this is becoming harder every day.
I use Twitter to reach out, have conversations, a laugh – connect with people. But, even this is becoming harder for me.
Hopefully, when I start my course, I’ll make new friends, and maybe actually start living my life again because at the moment, all I feel is alone…