Running away….

Haven’t written a post in a little while, not sure why to be honest; not in the mood, nothing to say, head not in it, who knows.

Today, however I feel I need to write as I have many thoughts whizzing around my brain and I just don’t know what to do with them all, and quite frankly, once again, I feel like running away. 

Somewhere remote, surrounded by nothingness…sounds perfect to me and to be totally honest, if I didn’t have the kids, I’d do it. Probably would’ve done it two years ago when Phil left.

I wouldn’t even take my mobile, laptop or computer…

‘What would she do without Twitter’ I hear you cry! 

I didn’t have Twitter before 2009 and I was ok,I’m sure I would cope.

So, things in my life haven’t really moved on; still unemployed, still without a home of my own, still single with feelings for someone I can’t have….

I know I should be thankful for so many things…my physical health is good, I have my kids and family. I do have a roof over my head, warmth and food, and for all those things I am grateful; things could be a lot worse, I know.

But I still yearn for the things I haven’t got; a place to call my own, four walls that are mine – stability. 

A job I am happy in and everything that brings with it.

Someone who I love and loves me back; warts and all. Kisses, hugs; to be wanted.

Trouble with that is, when your heart is in a place where it shouldn’t be, it’s hard to see what’s around you…but, I’m working on it.

I think I thought things would’ve progressed for me by now… I know the streets aren’t paved with gold up here in Scotland, but I hoped it would be a fresh start for me, so far..it’s falling short of that but I guess, it’s only been four months.

I am just looking forward to that persistent need to run away, to not be there anymore. To feel so happy and content with my life that I don’t want to hide away in the middle of nowhere with no way of anyone contacting me. 

I just want to be free.

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